Subsitute for Soundwave
by steelia
Summary: Starscream gets in over his head when he is assigned to supervise the minicons in Soundwave's absense. Inspired by Nostalgia Critic Guy's Starscreams Cookies video.


(Hi, hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Here is a little fic I just wrote. This fic was inspired by the Starscreams Cookies video by Nostalgia Critic Guy out on youtube. I thought the video was so funny. I've posted this as a one shot, even though it could probably be divided into at least two chapters, I decided to just leave as is. Hope you guys enjoy it.)

Long, sleek talons drummed a thumping rhythm against a metal desk top. The formula didn't balance, but then again, they'd stolen it from Ratchet and he was more medic than scientist. Still, it was up to him now to recalculate the chemical equations for the synthetic energon. The last thing he wanted was for the project to be handed over to Shockwave because he couldn't resolve formula's issues.

Starscream sighed and put down the datapad. Medics really had no business dabbling in science at this level. When Megatron's voice suddenly burst over the comlink, it was almost a welcome relief to the toiling he'd been at for the last hour.

"Starscream!" Megatron nearly roared. If there was one name Megatron couldn't say without growling it, it was his Starscream thought.

"Yes?" Starscream cooed smoothly.

"Soundwave is taking a leave of absence," Megatron announced.

"What! He can't take a leave of absence," Starscream screeched, nearly spitting out his own glossa as the protest came scrambling out of his mouth. The amount of work Soundwave handled could fill a ship the size of the Nemesis itself.

"Soundwave could use a few days off to handle some personal affairs," Megatron answered.

"Are you kidding me?" Starscream scoffed.

"Do I ever joke Starscream?" Megatron asked deadly.

"No, my Lord, of course you don't," Starscream stammered. Throwing a Lord or two in there always seemed to help he thought, trying to calm himself before Megatron came to his quarters and did it for him.

"What might I ask does this have to do with me my Lord?" Starscream questioned.

"You will be in charge of Soundwave's minicons until his return in three earth days," Megatron informed him. They will help perform Soundwave's work in his absence and you will supervise."

Starscream grumbled. He really didn't want Soundwave's job, but then again, it may be useful to have the minicons under his command in order to gain intel on other crew members, maybe even on Megatron himself. Yes…..maybe this wasn't such a bad deal after all Starscream grinned.

"Understood my Lord, will there be anything else?"

"That will be all for now," Megatron barked, "report to Soundwave's control center immediately to debrief the minicons."

* * *

Healed thrusters clicked, creating a stark echo as Starscream strolled down the empty corridor to Soundwave's control room. It was a private hallway, no one but Soundwave, Megatron and the minicons ever used it.

Starscream stopped in front of the control room door and quickly typed in the code Megatron had supplied. He was sure it would be changed immediately after he fulfilled this assignment. He stepped inside and was suddenly greeted by Lazerbeak, who circled him trying to settle on and attach himself to Starscream's left wing.

"Lazerbeak please!" Starscream hissed, waving his arms around trying to discourage Lazerbeak. Lazerbeak only circled back around attempting to attach to Starscream's chest.

"He misses Soundwave," Rumble offered an explanation, "He always attached himself to Soundwave's chest."

"Primus," Starscream grumbled under his breath. How could Soundwave leave him here? Lazerbeak was going to be a little handful. He'd have to pry him away from his chest now.

"Whatever," Starscream sighed, there was not much he could do about it right now as Lazerbeak settled in, nestling against him.

"Let's get down to business," Starscream began. "It looks as if Soundwave left a list of duties to be divided up amongst you. I can transmit the various duties from his datapad to yours, that way you'll have them," Starscream explained as he typed some codes into the datapad his hand held.

"What about the energon treats?" Frenzy asked.

"Energon treats?" Starscream repeated.

"Ya," Rumble replied. "When are we going to get them?"

"Well….I….um," Starscream stuttered with a furrowed brow. What in Primus were they talking about? Was it some kind of special fuel? They acted like he should know. He didn't want to appear a fool and it get back to Soundwave.

"Well, I'm certain there must be something in Soundwave's notes about them," Starscream replied smoothly, "but as I am a very busy Air Commander, I haven't had the time to review all the material Soundwave left behind."

"The formula should be in his files somewhere," Frenzy pointed out. "Soundwave made special energon treats for us every day; it's how he fuels us."

"I see," Starscream nearly rolled his eyes. Great, he thought….Soundwave treats them like pets. High maintenance was what this whole thing was going to be. He would never do something so ridiculous for his own Armada. Seekers didn't want to be treated like pets, they were warriors.

"Well, I will take a look and see what I can find," Starscream said. "In the meantime, let's all get to work on our lists."

* * *

Starscream sat at Soundwave's desk with his head in his hands. This going through one file, after another, after another, was about to give him a processor ache. This was almost as bad as the synthetic energon formula he had been working on earlier. Surely the file with the energon treat formula had to be here somewhere. He wasn't about to ask the minicons for help finding it, what a fool he would look like. He was supposed to be _their _supervisor, guiding them in _their_ duties, not the other way around.

Starscream looked down at his chest, glancing at Lazerbeak still nestled there. He didn't know why he was still putting up with it. He supposed it was the only solution to calm Lazerbeak for the time being. The only other time he had ever been in a situation like this was that time he had been assigned to watch his sparkling cousins back on Vos. They had all started up humming loudly at once, becoming clingy and wanting attention. To finally get them to stop, he had ended up going into his lab and whipping up those…..

And then an idea hit Starscream. Yes…he had made the sparklings those sweet little energon cubes and they loved them. Maybe he didn't need Soundwave's formula at all. Because he had one of his own. But….Starscream hesitated…it wasn't the one the minicons were used to, they'd know it wasn't Soundwave's and realize he'd never found the right formula. Then the lie began to spin in Starscream's processor. He _had _found Soundwave's formula, right here, right now, while going through the files. However, he thought the minicons could use a change, something different to try, so he had worked tirelessly all day to improve on Soundwave's formula and that's why the cubes he served would be different. Yes…Starscream thought grinning…that's exactly what this was; at least that's what he'd tell the minicons.

Starscream hurried off to his lab. No sense putting this off, might as well get the treats made and have that chore out of the way. Besides, poor little minicons were probably getting hungry by now he thought, then immediately chastised himself for thinking it. Was he going soft or something? They weren't even his minicons. He was a Supreme Air Commander, training and commanding deadly warriors of the sky. He would be so glad when this ridiculous assignment was over.

* * *

"Well, you've all done a good job today," Starscream told the minicons seated before him as he read over a report Frenzy had turned in.

"So," Starscream chuckled as he scanned Frenzy's surveillance data, "Knockout sings in the washracks." He continued to laugh, looking up from the report to see the minicon's blank faces staring back at him. They didn't seem to find anything funny about the Knockout video. Of course, Starscream thought, Soundwave was a professional and so were they. They didn't show personal opinions or emotions about the information they collected, they just did their jobs and reported what they saw in the most unbiased way possible.

"Knockout and I are friends," Starscream explained, trying to regain his composure. "We joke about each other all the time."

"Well, I've brought the energon treats," he told the minicons, trying to change the subject. "I took the liberty of modifying the formula a little; I thought you guys might like to try something a little different. After all, a little variety never hurt anyone," he cooed, proud of the lie he had come up with.

"They're delicious," Rumble said.

"Ya," said Frenzy, "They are good."

Ravage and Lazerbeak also joined in the feasting; all of the minicons seemed to enjoy the treats Starscream had cooked up.

"Starscream!" Megatron's voice rasped over the comlink.

"Yes, Lord Megatron," Starscream answered, pushing a nearby com button. Megatron's face then appeared on the monitor in the control room.

"I trust things are going well with your temporary assignment?" Megatron questioned.

"Of course my Lord," Starscream beamed. Things were going well, he thought to himself. He little plan had just worked out perfectly.

"Excellent," Megatron replied, "The last thing this ship needs is its surveillance team in disarray." Megatron shifted his vision from Starscream to the nearby feasting minicons. "Starscream, what is going on in there?" he asked.

"The minicons are having their energon treats my Lord," Starscream explained.

"Energon treats?" Megatron asked puzzled.

"Well…..yes my Lord. Soundwave's _own_ instructions were to make the treats as a special fuel for the minicons. I was only following _his_ orders," Starscream pointed out.

"I see," Megatron replied. "And these energon treats, do the minicons like them?"

"Of course," Starscream bragged. "I even modified Soundwave's formula a little to improve it."

"Well, then, I believe I would like to give these energon treats a try. In fact, the whole crew could use something to lift their spirits. See that the treats are dispersed to the entire ship," Megatron commanded.

"Of course," Starscream said as evenly as he could keep his voice. UNBELIEVABLE! Starscream's mind fumed. Now he had to make treats for the whole ship? Ridiculous! What was he the ship's cook now?

Starscream groaned and let out a deep sigh. He had better get started; he had a lot of treats to make.

* * *

Three Days Later…

Soundwave walked quietly through the halls of the Nemesis to his control room. The bonding ceremony had been touching. It was nice of Megatron to let him off for a few days to attend his best friend's bonding. They had gone through Intelligence school together and Soundwave had really hoped to be at the ceremony.

"Welcome back Soundwave," Knockout acknowledged him respectfully as he walked past. Soundwave noticed the little cube of some type of energon substance in his hand; in fact, the whole ship seemed to have them.

"Soundwave, so pleased to see your return," Starscream said as Soundwave entered the control room. "I trust you will find everything is in order."

Lazerbeak chirped excitedly, noticing Soundwave in the room and flying up to greet him.

Thank Primus, Starscream thought. At least I don't have to babysit him anymore.

"Soundwave," Starscream said, "I want you to know that in your absence, I made certain that the minicons had their energon treats every day. I even took the liberty of changing the formula up a little, everyone on the ship loves them," Starscream purred proudly.

"Formula?" Soundwave repeated Starscream's own word questioningly.

"Well…..yes…," Starscream hesitated, "Of course it's not your own, like I said I modified it a little," he lied. "And the energon treats turned out perfect."

"Energon treats?" Soundwave questioned again, a question mark symbol appearing on his visor.

The minicons began to chuckle and laugh as Starscream struggled to understand Soundwave's reaction.

"What in the slagging…," Starscream struggled to keep his temper even, "You mean you know nothing about these energon treats? Well that is why I could never find the form…..," Starscream stopped himself before he revealed his own lie.

"There never was a formula was there?" Starscream questioned the minicons.

"No," Rumble burst out laughing, "but yours was pretty good Screamer."

Soundwave shook his head. It wasn't the first time the minicons had played a joke and he would have to be sure to give them a talking to about this situation. Still, Starscream could be a jerk sometimes, so in this case, he could almost understand the minicon's reasoning.

"In my report to Lord Megatron," Soundwave actually spoke, "I will make certain he understands this incident was a joke played by the minicons and not your doing."

"Appreciated Soundwave," Starscream replied relieved.

Soundwave picked up a nearby energon treat cube and took a drink. As wrong as the whole joke had been for his minicons to play, he had to admit that something good had came out of it, the treats were the best thing he had ever tasted.


End file.
